Laws of the Internet

[sesquipedality]

Now seems an apposite time to remind people of my theorems concerning the weird and wonderful world that is the Internet.

Sesquipedality's First Law of the Internet states that for any given activity conceivable to the human mind, there is at least one man* somewhere on the Internet who is turned on by it.

More relevantly, Sesquipedality's Second Law of the Internet (aka the Immaculate Conception of the Forum) states that any given communications medium is created in a state of divine grace and declines exponentially in quality thereafter.

The First Corollary to the Second Theory is that any Internet forum is much worse than when you joined it, no matter when you joined it, or how much or little time has elapsed since.

Really I ought to have a Third Law. I'd like "Beware of the Leopard", but that's already been taken. How about "Do not feed the ocelot, for it is just quick in general, really".

* Call me sexist if you like, observation appears to indicate that men are on average kinkier than women**. Probably due to higher testosterone levels or something. If anyone can show me any studies that indicate otherwise, I'll happily revise the First Law.

** This is not a value judgement. If you have negative associations with the word 'kinky', kindly refrain from assuming I have similar associations.

Comments

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

Leopard is an inherently funny word. You'd have to try hard to achieve the same effect with something else.

[the-pale-queen.livejournal.com]

Why not just wait until no one is looking and take Beware of the Leopard for your very own? We won't tell anyone you stole it, honest! ;)

[crocodilewings.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'll tell everyone. Count on it.

[naath.livejournal.com]

"As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of an occurance of a LOLcat tends towards one"?

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

It's tempting, but I'm not sure that one has staying power.

[secretrebel.livejournal.com]

I think women are kinkier because women are gay. Obviously some men may be gay but all women are. ;)

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

I may be being dumb - what makes all women gay?

[secretrebel.livejournal.com]

I was joking, really. But women often talk about which other women they fancy or would sleep with, even when they are straight. Men seem to be much more reluctant to even consider the subject hypothetically.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Ah, pardon my slowness of thinking. I thought you might be doing something around "gay" = "happy" or something to that effect, and got confused.

[the-whybird.livejournal.com]

If anyone can show me any studies that indicate otherwise, I'll happily revise the First Law.

www.fanfiction.net

Really I ought to have a Third Law.

As time passes, the proportion of active members of a forum belonging to a newbie-hating clique tends to one.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Nice non-sequitur you have there. ;)

[tea-and-cuddles.livejournal.com]

In my experience, actual women, when no longer afraid of being judged, are on average kinkier than men. Even gay men. But I there is room for further research, obviously.

In my experience of the internet, internet representations made by men are more likely to delve into the depths of poor taste than representations made by women. By poor taste, I mean dull and crass such as penis pictures on dating sites, rather than interestingly kinky such as artful tentacle porn.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that this now has me curious as to how you'd go about establishing scientifically whether men or women were in general kinkier. It's a shame Kinsey never got the funding for the volume on women, really.